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| DON'T YOU DARE LOOK AT ME LOKE THAT YOU WANT THIS AS BAD AS I DO BUT I CAN'T GIVE INTO YOU. RIGHT NOW, LOOKING AT YOU I REALIZE I CAN'T EVEN TRUST MYSELF. SO CLOSE, I'VE GOT YOU IN MY HANDS ABOUT TO LEAVE YOU'RE MARK ON ME. HOW DID THIS EVER COME TO BE? JUST TO THINK I SAW YOU ABOUT A WEEK AGO YOU'VE STAYED ON MY MIND. THINKING OF ALL THE PAIN INSIDE, THINKING OF ALL THE RELIEFE YOU COULD BRING; BUT I KNOW YOU MAKE ME A FEIND. NEEDING YOUR TOUCH DEEPER AND DEEPER INTO MY FLESH. AND THOUGH THE THOUGHT OF YOU IS SOMETHING I DETEST. IT SEEMS TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT, CLUTCH MY WRISTS, THIS IS IT I CAN'T RESIST, I HAVE NO POWER, I NEED YOU I DONT HAVE TO FORCE. BUT MY BLADE SUDUCTION.  | | |
| MY NAME IS ARLINDA AND I JUST WANT TO BE ACCEPTED FOR WHO I AM. I AM A MIXTURE OF SO MANY DIFFERENT THINGS, EMOTIONS, LOOKS... I'M FOCUSED, YET CONFUSED I'M ALL OF THE ABOVE YET NOTHING AT ALL. I JUST KNOW I WANT TO BE ACCEPTED. I'M SORRY I CAN'T BE WHO YOU WANT ME TO BE, BUT I'M EVEN MORE SORRY FOR THE FACT THAT YOU CAN'T LOOK PAST OUR DIFFERENCES AND ACCEPT ME. *I CAN ONLY BE ME* WHAT DO YOU SEE WHEN YOU LOOK AT ME?DO YOU SEE A SMART GIRL?SOMEONE WHO WILL SUCCEED IN LIFE?A TEENAGER IN LOVE?WITH HOPES AND DREAMS?OR DO U SEE A FUCK UP?A SMUT?A FAILIER?ALL I KNOW IS YOU DON'T SEE WHAT I SEE, WHICH IS A TEENAGERWHO IS DYING ON THE INSIDE, BUT NO ONE CAN TELL.IN THE END, I KNOW I WILL PRIVALE. IF I CAN OVERCOME LOSING MY GRAND MOTHER WHEN I WAS 6,MY MOTHER WHEN I WAWS 12,MY BROTHER IN LAW AT 13,NEVER REALLY HAVING A MOM CUZ OF DRUGS,BEING MOLESTED BY MY FATHER,NEVER REALLY HAVING A CHILDHOOD.OVER COMING SUICIDE ATTEMPS,CUTS ON MY WRITS,DEPRESSION,BEING KICKED OUT, HAVING TO RUN AWAY,AND SO MUCH MORE.IF I CAN OVERCOME ALL OF THAT,THEN I'LL BE DAMNED IF I CAN'T OVER COME THIS.ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS LOVE ME OR LEAVE ME ALONE,CAUSE I CAN ONLY BE ME!!!  | | |
| I FIND IT FUNNY HOW MY FRIENDS SEE THAT I'MA REAL DOWN TO EARTH PERSON,YET MY FAMILY ALWAYSz THINKS I'M FAKE.....BUT IRRONICALLY ENOUGH, WHEN I ACT FAKE, THEY THINK I'M BEING REAL. I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO BE THIS CERTAIN PERSON AROUND MY FAMILY AND I CAN ONLY BE MYSELF WHEN I'M WITH MY FRIENDS. IF I ACT THE WAY THAT I TRUELY AM AROUND MY FAMILY THEN I WONT BE ACCEPTED. I KNOW I'M DIFFERENT FROM THEM. I LIKE LOVE BEING DIFFERENT, CUZ THEN YOU CANT IMATATE ME, OR DRESS LIKE ME, OR LABLE ME, SO TELL ME THIS....WHO CAN I RUN TO WHEN I WANT TO BE MYSELF?CERTAINLY NO MY FAMILY, I BET THEY THINK I'M CRAZY, OR OVERLY SENSATIVE.THE ONLY PEOPLE I CAN RUN TO ARE A SELECTED HANDFUL OF MY FAMILY, AND MY FRIENDS; EVEN THOUGH THEY STILL THINK I'MA LIL WEIRD, BUT THEY STILL LOVE ME AND SO DOES TERENCE ^.^ "BE YOURSELF",THEY SAYBUT WHAT IF YOURSELF IS SOMEONE EVERYONE HATES? I FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING I EAT, BUY, WEAR, AND SAY IS ALWAYSz WRONG. IF I EAT TO MUCH THEN I'M LIKE A MAN IF I DONT EAT ENOUGH I'M DEPRESSED AGAIN. I CANT WEAR CERTAIN SHIRTS BECUZ OF MY BREAST; APPARENTLY IF I WEAR A CUTE SHIRT, IT CANT BE LOW CUT CUZ THEN I'MA "SMUT" I CANT EVEN BUY CERTAIN THINGS CAUSE TO MY SISTER EVERYTHING IS XPENSIVE. I HAD TO GO SKOOL SHOPPIN WITH ONLY $94. AND I ONLY GOT 2 BLACK PANTS AND 3 WHITE SHIRTS, AND ONLY ONE IS A COLAR. I STILL NEED A BOOKBAG AND A PAIR OF FLATS CUZ I CANT AFFORD SNEAKERS.AND LAST BUT DEFFINATLY NOT LEAST, IT SEEMS LIKE EVERYTHING I SAY IS EITHER THE WRONG THING TO SAY, OR SIMPLY ANNOYING. IT COULD BE SOMETHING AS SIMPLE AS "HEY" OR "WASSUP" AND SOMEHOW I'VE MANAGED TO SAY SOMETHING WRONG.ITS NOT LIKE I CAN LOCK MYSELF IN MY ROOM TO GET AWAY FROM IT, CAUSE IN SOME STRANGE WAY THATS WRONG AS WELL YOU KNO WAT? I GIVE UP TRYING TO SATISFY EVERYONE ELSE. I ONLY GET 1 LIFE AND I'MA SATISFY MYSELF. NOT TO SAY I'MA WIL' OUT AND DO SOME CRAZY SHIT BUT I'MA DO ME., REGARDLESS IF EVERYONE LIKES IT OR NOT. ITS FUNNY CAUSE I SAY THAT NOW AND I KNO WHEN I WAKE UP TOMORROW,I'LL ASK MYSELF.... **TO BE, OR NOT TO BE...MYSELF?**  | | |
| HER SMILE COVERS UP HER FROWN, BUT EVENTUALLY SHE WILL BREAK DOWN. BROKEN HEART AND BROKEN DREAMS SHE'S THE ONLY ONE WHO HEAR'S HER SOUL'S SCREAMS. HER EYES STING FROM ALL THE TEARS, CANT SOMEONE TAKE AWAY HER FEARS? SHE PLACE SHE CANNOT FIND. | | |
| WHATS WRONG?THATS A COMMON QUESTION ASKED PRACTACLY EVERYDAY...BUT HOW DO U ANSWER THAT QUESTION?HOME PROBLEMS? PERSONAL PROBLEMS? BOYFRIEND PROBLEMS? !!!NOTHING.....EVERYTHING!!! MY POINT IS IF YOU'RE ASKED THAT QUESTION, U HAVE AN ANSWER...I, ON THE OTHER HAND DONT KNO HOW TO ANSWER THAT QUESTION.ALL I KNO IS THAT THERE IS SOMETHING IS WRONG...IT'S NOTHING BUT EVERYTHING AT THE SAME TIME.ALL I WANT TO DO IS CRY [TEAR]. PEOPLE MIGHT THINK IT'S CAUSE I MOVED BACK INTO MY SISTER'S HOUSE, BUT I DOUBT IT IS CAUSE THINGS HAVE GOTTEN ALOT BETTER, COMPARED TO HOW I USE TO BE TREATED BEFORE. I'VE BEEN FEELING THIS WAY SINCE I WAS AT MY BROTHERS HOUSE. WHEN I FIRST STARTED FEELING THIS WAY, I FIGURED,JUST GIVE IT SOME TIME, I'LL EVENTUALLY GET OVER IT.... BUT ITS BEEN 2 WEEKS AND I STILL FEEL LIKE SHIT [ ]I'M SCARED TO ADMIT IT BUT I THINK I MIGHT BE FALLING BACK INTO DEPRESSION, AND THAT SCARES ME BECAUSE THEY MIGHT PUT ME ON ANTI-DEPRESSANTS. TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE, SCHOOL STARTS NEXT WEEK AND I STILL DONT HAVE ANY OF MY STUFF. AND THE GRAND DADDY OF THEM ALL... I MISS TERENCE HE'S THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN MAKE ME FEEL BETTER, AND I HAVENT SEEN HIM SINCE MY BIRTHDAY, WHICH WAS OVER A MONTH AGO.ONTOP OF THAT , MY NEXT THERAPY SESSION IS THE DAY BEFORE MY COURT DAY, AND I'M NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT HOW I'M FEELIN CAUSE I HAVE TO EMOTIONALLY PREPARE MYSELF FOR THIS...I COULD POSSIBLE BE SENDING MY DAD TO JAIL AND SOMETING THAT I DONT REALLY WANT TO DO.I JUST FEEL LOST AND TORN APART. I FEEL LIKE I'M BROKEN IN PEICES, AND NO ONE CARES ENOUGH TO HELP PUT ME BACK TOGETHER. WHATS WRONG, YOU ASK....I DONT KNO IS MY ANSWER.  | | |
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